Sunday, January 16, 2011

Call off the Lawyers

If you are beginning to see a theme emerging on my blog you are either paying attention or you have been to my house recently.  Unfortunately, this theme isn't one I am proud of.  In fact, I want you to see this dirty-little-secret about as much as I want you to see my asymmetrical haircut from 1988.  Realistically though, I don't think I can keep it a secret much longer if I want to continue blogging. So here goes… (standing up) "My name is Danee Lynn Paullin-Kaplan, and I'm a very messy, messy, Messsssssyyyyy crafter." (sitting down). Whew... (wiping brow with my left hand).. though it is very unexpected... I feel so much better; like a weight has lifted off my hypermobile, about-to-blow-out shoulder.  My dirty little secret is out and I'm thrilled to report there are no pigs flying outside my window and HELL has not froze over.  Ok, so I must be honest here and confess that I don't really have any good information as to whether or not HELL is currently ice or fire.  I can only surmise it is still burning away under the watchful eye of Hades, because the world appears unchanged.  As I bask in the freedom I found by letting go of my dirty, dirty little secret, it dawns on me that maybe it wasn't such a SECRET to those who have visited my house in the last year and if you tried to eat dinner at the dinner table, well this is very old news because you would have had to eat dinner on the coffee table.  

Wow, so that went so well I think I will do that again!  So here is another dirty little secret (#2 for this posting but who is counting?).  (cue trumpets)... I am happy to announce that my husband of 16 years  has withdrawn the divorce petition he filed over the holidays.  Why would he file for the dissolution of our marriage you ask?  You think I'm going to say "Irreconcilable Differences" right?  Does anybody get divorced for any other reason?  What the hell are irreconcilable differences anyway?  Don't we all have irreconcilable differences all the time in our marriages.  Right now we are irreconcilable about keeping cute little candy jars on the counter filled with my favorite candies.  He hates it.  I love the way they look all filled with candies that reflect the current holiday.  Irreconcilable.  He HATES when I leave the front door open in the winter.  It does allow quite a bit of cold air into the house but it is the only source of sunlight into the front room.  We solve this by disrespecting each other; when he is here, he shuts it and when he is away, I leave it open.  Irreconcilable.  

Back to my original story:  So we were not getting divorced because of irreconcilable differences but rather on the grounds of a new and very special category that is to be used only in a very specific set of circumstances and only by one whose spouse is- in legalese- "BeyondAllReasonAVeryVERYSupercalifragilisticexpialidociouslyMessy Crafter."  Only a spouse living against his/her will knee deep in glitter is allowed to file a petition using this special circumstances as grounds for dissolving a marriage because after all, we crafters are messy right? Crafting is just inherently messy right?  I mean, it has been scientifically proven… Oh, I'm sure it has been proven by somebody  that it is absolutely impossible to keep things neat and tidy when one is working with paper (tiny scraps), glue (wet and sticky), glitter (static cling), thread (odds & ends), and paint (wet color).  I mean, SERIOUSLY, who keeps their workspace tidy?  Tidy is a four letter word!  How can one actually CREATE and still be Nancy Neat?  If you aren't making a huge mess you aren't CREATING right?  Who puts away their toys when they are done with them?  I mean you might need it again right so why bother?  Right...?  Right….?  Right….?   WHY AREN'T YOU AGREEING WITH ME?  Isn't anybody listening to me?  I mean come on, don't pretend that you are neat and tidy… Who are you kidding?  Nobody keeps their art spaces clean.  You do?  Really?  Hmm….really?  You keep it neat?  All the time?  Well, I sure as hell can't!

My studio is where I create.  I call it a studio because, well, I makes me feel like I'm truly an artist #@a%^** it (I'd like to use my dad's favorite swear word right here but it offends people so insert the foul work you like to use for emphasis).  Maybe because I am one of those completely self-taught artist, I don't really feel like a TRUE artisteeeeest but I like the sound of it so we're going to go with it.  

Now, what exactly is in my studio?  A whole lot of craft stuff….  I have a love affair with all things paper and have for several decades now.  I can't get enough and now that America has embraced scrapbooking there is a pletherora of paper available.  I think I need every design I like.  A few years ago this wasn't a big deal since most companies made cutsey-themed papers I didn't even need to look at--yuck.  Then a little company called Basic Grey put out a line of paper called Motifica and I swooned.  I still have the entire pack of paper because I loved it.  Motifica was so different from anything else  I had ever seen, certainly different than anything on the market.   I was too afraid to use it up fearing I would never see it again.  It took a few years but suddenly everybody is producing papers in the style of Basic Grey and Basic Grey went from one new line every year to 100 every 6 months.  Ok, so maybe not that many, but it is impossible to keep up so I gave up.  

Now that you know where my mess started, let's I discuss my studio space.  You see, I had a great idea when Chase was smaller….if I put an extra table up in the dining room, I would have space to craft and the family table would be clear for dinning.  Yeah, well it was great on paper.  The problem is I have too much stuff.  Oh,  and my space was too small so eventually there was no place to put things and stuff got stuck behind the table and the junk.  I am going to post a picture but keep in mind this is after I knew I was moving it all and it was Christmas time, so it really was beyond ridiculous how messy it got.  It was way past being able to actually work at the table and was crawling slowly toward the living room.  

Yes that is a kitchen table and chair

This the table that was supposed to keep me neat and off the dining room table

you see the fingers creeping and reaching toward the kitchen
God that is embarrassing!  I moved all that stuff to the basement and cleaned out the big closet I have down there.  I recycled several decades of Martha Stewart Living magazines that I had been saving. Yes, I meant literally decades!  Now in all fairness I do go back and read them but only the Halloween, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and Valentine issues.  Everything else I do online at Martha's website.  I collected a huge box of stuff for my niece, 2 bags for the neighbor girls, and 4 bags for Goodwill.  After all that work this is what we have….

I'll show you the basement when it is cleaned and open for business.  



  1. It sounds like you had one @#$%&* of a holiday season. My art supplies have always flowed through the entire house like lava from a roiling volcano. Tidy is NOT a household concept with me.

  2. Danee's HusbandJanuary 17, 2011 at 12:03 AM

    I'm a little surprised to hear about the divorce thing. I had no idea I filed anything. I figured you cleaned the kitchen because you had to host Bunco or something. However, I am very happy that we can eat at the table again.


  3. This is your mother and I am shocked and thrilled. As I get older and my memory isn't what it use to be I was beginning to think that maybe I never did remember another time when the family would sit as one, enjoying dinner and conversations around this very antique table. Congratulations to you on a job well done, a conscience no longer suffering pangs and a family once again reunited. Can't wait to see the new space in the basement that will allow you to create with organization and freedom. JP

  4. Hey, you made done major progress!! I am not always neat & tidy, especially when making something. BTW, I love the relationship you have wit your husband. Sounds like mine! So glad you joined the #findingthefunny link-up! Hope you come back. :)


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